Mom Life

Failing @ Motherhood

I feel like this is going to be some sort of ongoing series that I will be able to write about every damn day!

 

I was reading a blog post one day http://www.manrepeller.com/2016/11/birds-and-bees.html, and while laughing and reading these sentences about the birds and the bees, I  realized – I am failing my child as a mother……  I do not want to have any sort of conversation with my 6 year old about this!  Will that traumatize him more than watching some dirty porno?  I don’t know – BUT as of now – I am not willing to risk the future of my beautiful  baby boy.  When I put the word baby in there – it makes it ok, because “babies” would not understand the birds and the bees at all.  When he starts asking me questions I will think about what to say then, at that moment!

Learning about sex might be the quintessential rite of passage. The moment we understand the frankly off-putting way babies are made is the moment all our imaginary …

 

This story is not a birds and the bees story but more about the difference between a girl and a boy.

Here is my proof that I am failing (hard – failing hard)!

My kid was in the tub.  He is my one and only earthly child so unfortunately for him, I have no one else to bother so I hang out in the bathroom with him while he takes a bath.  Ya know, so he doesn’t drown.  Because that is what a good mother does, she sits on the toilet, not peeing or pooping – with the lid down, on her phone playing Tetris while her kid plays in the tub.  Sigh…..  another failure.

ANYWAYS, I had to pee, real bad.  So I got up and carefully went to pee, covering all my girl parts with my shirt so that he couldn’t see me and be scared for life seeing his mom’s “privates”.  He looks at me…..  I say, what babe?  He is very curiously looking at me while in the background you can hear my pee whizzing into the toilet water.  With such curiosity in his face, I started to panic, he is going to ask me something I do not want to answer!!!!  I knew I should have just pissed my pants or went outside behind the house – dammit life!!!

Momma, he says, girls don’t have penises right?  As I am still pissing.  Right hun, girls do not have penises.  Whew, dodged that bullet……..

Momma, he says again with an almost light bulb moment.  “Is it weird to pee out your butthole?”  In his mind, he had finally figured it out!!!  Good thing I was already peeing, because I may have pissed my pants!

I answered him, matter of factly, “Yes, yes it is weird peeing out my butt hole.”  He was good with that answer and continued on playing.  I kind of think he was proud of himself for figuring that out.  Whew, dodged that bullet!!!!  ……or did I????…..

 

Then later that night it hit me – FAILURE!!  I am a complete FAILURE!!!

 

Design on, in this beautifully undesigned life,

Kari

 

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