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Summer is Shitty

 

So let’s talk about summer.  Summer can be real shitty…… sorry to those of you that like summer.  The vacays are great, the warmer weather is ……ok, just ok.  All the outdoor parties, county fairs, concerts, pool days/evenings, ice cream, blooming flowers and so on.

From that one word “ok”, I’m sure you can tell that I do not dig summer all that much.

I am a pale redhead, that hates the way my body looks.  You will find me standing in any shady spot that can be found in the surrounding area.

I hate being hot, I always get some level of sunburn, all red and blotchy, maybe some “swamp ass” and  my makeup runs off.  That is a bad situation!  Shorts and tank tops are just not an option in my mind, frankly I will not wear them because I hate how I look in them.  I will even make excuses to not go places because it is “too hot” or whatever I can come up with.  Why you ask?  It seems silly.

This all comes down to being self-conscious about my body.  That includes my hair color, my pasty skin and the size of my body.  I am 34 freakin’ years old and I still can’t wear shorts or a sleeveless shirt  because some kid in 6th grade made an asshole comment about my body and hair color.  What the hell!  I love to follow all these body positive blogs and Instagramers.  They are very inspiring.  I might even go out and buy a dress or swimsuit (that I will never wear) because they inspired me so much!  But by the time it comes in the mail (because it would be an impulse buy) and I have tried it on and looked in the mirror – I hate myself.  Why, why, why……  these other girls can embrace and love themselves for how their body, hair or whatever was designed by nature for them – why can’t I do the same!!!!  How am I going to survive the summer!  Our family likes to be outside playing, gardening, going for walks, drawing with sidewalk chalk…….the list goes on.

I can talk all day about losing weight to finally feel like I can wear shorts and a tank top.  But let’s be real here, there is no way in hell I am going to give up going for a truck ride and getting a freshly scooped ice cream cone at the lake.  Or out to dinner and drinks with the girls.  Or even just because I want a damn cookie.  I will not starve (I did that for far too many years) because that will be bad for all parties around me.  If I am hot AND hungry – bad news, bad news folks!

Then that leads to finding outfits that are cool, that in my mind are not shorts and tank tops.  I can’t be buying new clothes all the time and I do not really love to wear skirts or dresses…… now what?

Change the way you think and see yourself.  Be proud of who you are as an individual.  That is all wonderful to help build yourself up and I can preach that all day long, but when I get home and am getting dressed, the mean girl appears in the mirror and tells me that I look like a corpulent, almost glowing, gross person…… now what?

I know, I am not alone in this world with feelings like this and I do not know the answer to fix it, but I do have some ideas to help with how you and I see ourselves.  I need this as a reminder to myself almost daily.  Body issues run deep so hopefully one of these suggestions will help you when you are having self doubt when you are getting dressed.

Let’s make this the summer we switch things up!  Switch our thinking so that when we step out for the day, feeling great in our skin not just our clothes.

 

 

I made this into a pretty print out so that you can use it for your very own inspiration!  You deserve to feel beautiful!

Shape Switch

 

Let’s step out feeling and looking good all in the pursuit of designing our undersigned life!

Kari

Mom Life

Motherhood: Learning From The Clouds

 

Most children look to the clouds and see angels, dragons, dolphins, or cars! Just about anything that they see on the ground can be seen in the clouds – but not my little man!

 

Look to the clouds – Quote by Forrest:

“You see that up there, in the clouds, that’s me holding my little brother and sister’s hands!”

 

I look over at Carl and both of our eyes well up with tears.

Well, this wasn’t in the parenthood manual!  (By the way, if you find that manual let me know I would like to purchase it.)

What do we do or even say!?!  This is not what I expected.  This is not how my life was designed in my mind!  We do everything that we can to give Forrest everything that he needs,  wants and deserves.  But I cannot give him a brother or sister.  It is just not possible – I wish it were possible, but it is not.

But wait….. Forrest is not sad!  He is excited that he gets to be in the clouds with his brother and sister.

 

As I think back to this moment in time, I am somber and even bitter.  But yet, my heart is so crammed full with warm fuzzies too!

What the hell did we do right!?!

And what the hell is going on up in those clouds!

I think he is on to something.  What is the view like up there?  In the clouds you can do anything!  How courageous of him.  He is happy there.  How many of us just hang out here on earth with our heads in the sand or even look to the sky and don’t see a thing?  I want to go where my imagination can be free.   Where no one is saying, “be realistic”.  As we get older we lose all of that.   That day I learned  from Forrest!  Is there some sort of chapter in this parenthood manual that tells you about the things your own child will teach you while looking at clouds?  Cause that would be a friggin’ amazing chapter!

 

I am learning to look to the clouds while still having my feet on the ground .  Thanks Forrest!!!

 

 

 

Design on, in this beautifully undesigned life,

Kari

 

 

Half-Ass DIY, Mom Life

Being An Adult, Do I Get An Award For That?

Hey Guys, Hey!

Do you ever get done with a day and think to yourself:

That was a long day!

I’m so glad this day is over!

I hated today!

I need a friggin’ drink!

Is today ever going to end!?!

Someone may die today if they are not careful!

Is it Friday yet?

I am going to punch them in the throat! (I don’t know maybe this one is just me.)

I deserve an award, ribbon, trophy or some kind of sh*t for today!  Yeah, I am with ya (and sometimes these thoughts don’t even make it to the end of the day).

One of the things I like to do when I am feeling down or stressed is to do something kind for some one else (you may have been a victim of my snail mail hustle).  It makes me feel better – you kind of forget your own problems for a little bit.

Some days it is hard to even get out of bed!  Life has a way of getting you worn down and depressed.  So rather than give you some inspirational quote or a list of things you will never do to make yourself feel better, I thought, why not give an award!  They could be a fun way to get smiling or someone else smiling!  Plus I love to do stuff like this!  So I went ahead and made some award pins for things that you really do deserve to get an award for!!!!  Things that seem funny because, you are supposed to just do this stuff as part of life- but some days, damn it, they are hard!

Look at this (Snapchat filters are amazing)!  I am such an angel that I have a friggin’ halo AND an award for being NICE!!!! HA!

Print one out or send it via email or text to someone (or yourself) that could really use the recognition.  You know….  a co-worker – who is having a bad morning, your kid – wiped his own damn butt, your sibling or parents- made it through the Holidays without saying something rude, the list goes on.  These awards that I made are more of an every day kind of success.  Check them out!

NOTICE: If you do not have a sense of humor about life I recommend not reading these.  You clearly would not understand the power of them to bring smiles. (Just sayin’)

 

I mean, really, we all know someone that deserves to have these (that may include yourself)!  Life is not what we have designed in our minds but we sure as hell can have some fun with this undesigned life of ours!

Design on, in this beautifully undesigned life,

Kari

 

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Mom Life

Failing @ Motherhood

I feel like this is going to be some sort of ongoing series that I will be able to write about every damn day!

 

I was reading a blog post one day http://www.manrepeller.com/2016/11/birds-and-bees.html, and while laughing and reading these sentences about the birds and the bees, I  realized – I am failing my child as a mother……  I do not want to have any sort of conversation with my 6 year old about this!  Will that traumatize him more than watching some dirty porno?  I don’t know – BUT as of now – I am not willing to risk the future of my beautiful  baby boy.  When I put the word baby in there – it makes it ok, because “babies” would not understand the birds and the bees at all.  When he starts asking me questions I will think about what to say then, at that moment!

Learning about sex might be the quintessential rite of passage. The moment we understand the frankly off-putting way babies are made is the moment all our imaginary …

 

This story is not a birds and the bees story but more about the difference between a girl and a boy.

Here is my proof that I am failing (hard – failing hard)!

My kid was in the tub.  He is my one and only earthly child so unfortunately for him, I have no one else to bother so I hang out in the bathroom with him while he takes a bath.  Ya know, so he doesn’t drown.  Because that is what a good mother does, she sits on the toilet, not peeing or pooping – with the lid down, on her phone playing Tetris while her kid plays in the tub.  Sigh…..  another failure.

ANYWAYS, I had to pee, real bad.  So I got up and carefully went to pee, covering all my girl parts with my shirt so that he couldn’t see me and be scared for life seeing his mom’s “privates”.  He looks at me…..  I say, what babe?  He is very curiously looking at me while in the background you can hear my pee whizzing into the toilet water.  With such curiosity in his face, I started to panic, he is going to ask me something I do not want to answer!!!!  I knew I should have just pissed my pants or went outside behind the house – dammit life!!!

Momma, he says, girls don’t have penises right?  As I am still pissing.  Right hun, girls do not have penises.  Whew, dodged that bullet……..

Momma, he says again with an almost light bulb moment.  “Is it weird to pee out your butthole?”  In his mind, he had finally figured it out!!!  Good thing I was already peeing, because I may have pissed my pants!

I answered him, matter of factly, “Yes, yes it is weird peeing out my butt hole.”  He was good with that answer and continued on playing.  I kind of think he was proud of himself for figuring that out.  Whew, dodged that bullet!!!!  ……or did I????…..

 

Then later that night it hit me – FAILURE!!  I am a complete FAILURE!!!

 

Design on, in this beautifully undesigned life,

Kari

 

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